| This one goes out to the one I love.... |
[Jun. 29th, 2005|09:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | i love you always forever.donna lewis | ] |
This is for my baby boy...I am so proud, and so in love. while I feel like my world is falling apart, you hold me together. |
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| Thanks for today. |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|07:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | such great heights.iron and wine | ] |
This year I get healthy, the boy stays, and the butt grows. I learn to play poker and kick some ass.
"So...how do you know?"
"It's something about not knowing. Just that they know you. Better than you know yourself. You trust them. You know, you just do." |
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| Update on life in general |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|09:14 pm] |
It has been a long time. So much has happened. I have to say that for the first time in I can't remember how long, I am happy, content and at peace with where I am. Even though he doesn't like to write about it, I need to say that I am in love. That is all I will say about that.
I don't know if I like working nights as much as I used to. My patient died on thursday night/friday morning. It was very unexpected. I knew she was sick, but I did not think she was that far along. I came back to the floor after a cigarette break/run to pharmacy, and the other nurses told me my patient in 20 had died. I was like are you fucking kidding me?! The worst part was that her daughter was sleeping in the room, and to wake her up and tell her that news was horrific. And then the daughter wanted to know why. Well, hell if I know, your mom was sick. Apparently sicker than I thought. Sorry I gave you false hope. I honestly don't know if I'm cut out for the whole oncology thing. I am going to give it some more time, but this is fucking ridiculously hard shit!
My mom is moving to PA (Belleville area--they already bought land and the house is for sale!) in a couple years, and I am so happy for her! She and George only stayed in Chatham for Cathy and myself, and to see them being able to do what they have always wanted to do is so exciting!
My first choice of colleges was University of Delaware. I got wait listed, and I said fuck them. If they don't know that they want me, then I don't want them. It was pointed out to me today that I would be a very different person had I gone there instead of Messiah. I have to say that I am so grateful I ended up where I did. For all my fuckups and mistakes, I think they would have been exponentially more had I gone anywhere else.
Along the line of college, it is so weird to think about how I am no longer a student. My sister has Christmas break soon, Dave's sister is already home, and it makes me feel like I too should be getting some sort of extended break for the holiday. Instead I work Christmas from 3-11pm. Sucks. But welcome to the real world. On the other hand, it could be worse. I get to be home Christmas morning and for lunch with my family and the people that mean the most to me. I am so lucky and blessed. And I already have the greatest Christmas present of all. Thank you baby. |
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| Carnations |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|10:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | more than a feeling.boston | ] |
"...Remember you? What do you want?"
Working nights has been awesome. I love how laid back and low stress it is. However, I feel that on that shift I am only working for the paycheck. There is minimal patient interaction. During the day I feel as though I really earn what I make (even though it is less than nights). I don't ever want to live to work. I want to work to really be able to live. My anxiety level has been through the roof lately. I have been having these dreams where real life situations go completely wrong and I wake up all stressed out. They have been about work and social situations. I have enough anxiety related to work, paying those damn bills (that seem to be endless at this point), and living on my own. Time to go to bed and sleep this one off. Hoping for some nice, relaxing sleep. |
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| mmmm..... |
[Oct. 22nd, 2004|08:12 pm] |
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so tasty this week. can't help but love. |
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| its 10pm and im drunk again... |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|10:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | grace is gone.dave matthews band | ] |
at least very buzzed. smoking out my apartment window. gotta love apt life! lil sis is pissed. oops. working 7pm to 7am tomorrow. God help me. getting caught up on my sopranos and loving Saved. i am really fucking happy right now. life makes me smile. too fuckin good. need to stay up all night. call me and help me stay awake please! oh and by the way...will you go out with me? yes or no? yanks need to win. dont know if they did tonight. but i know what brings them luck ;) |
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| oh man...it's finally happening. |
[Sep. 26th, 2004|01:50 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | rock n roll.ryan adams | ] |
I just want to let everyone know that I am moving out! Dena, Cathy and I have found a place to live in Summit, and I am so excited not to have to deal with the bullshit of living at home anymore! I also have a new cell phone, which makes for a very happy Claire. Life is good. I don't know when we will get the internet at our new place, so I will try to call those of you who I haven't gotten in touch with about my new number and address.
Leave me some sugar ;) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2004|04:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | world on fire.sarah mclachlan | ] |
Another day of work over. A patient "expired" on my shift today. How inhumane is that term? I got to help bag the body. I have done it before, and it was just as gross the second time. Fortunately I didn't know this patient. This week has been so hard for me, and it's only Tuesday. How am I going to make it? Maybe I'm not cut out to be an oncology nurse. Time will tell. |
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| sex and the city |
[Sep. 19th, 2004|07:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | silence [dj tiesto mix].sarah mclachlan | ] |
As of late, my Friday nights have consisted of excursions into the Big Apple. We hit up happy hour, and take the latest train back (and I am guaranteed to be drunk). So far we have seen Sara Bradley, Kelly Jayne (everyone claims she was at Penn, but I didn't see her there, however I did see her at the Broadway Diner today), and I need to throw in Gil Camacho, who wasn't in the city, but I definitely saw him in the most random of places. Dave and Evren have reconnected, and I have to say I am so glad because he is so much fucking fun! And Alex Jow and Ed Su, oh and I can't forget Mike Goldberg, all met up with us. Crazy times have been had, and I have no doubt that many more lie ahead. I would pay any amount of money to see Dave do the robot again ;) |
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| 20 Miles from Ground Zero |
[Sep. 19th, 2004|07:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | so cruel.u2 | ] |
I was watching "Nine Innings from Ground Zero" the other day on HBO. I started crying uncontrollably. There was just so much devastation. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that things are so much worse in so many other places in the world. The US has been directly attacked twice in a hundred years, while other countries around the world live with the reality of war and death on a daily basis. My heart breaks for those people. And I don't understand why it has to be. Maybe I am too much a romantic and idealist, but I don't know what killing people accomplishes. Any loss of life is a loss for the entire human race. Am I crazy? Am I the only one who feels this way? These are the reasons I wanted to become a nurse. I think this is one profession that directly impacts people for good. I need to make a difference in this world. I feel so small and insignificant. And I am. |
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